Why girls can't understand football

Watched the National College Football Championship game tonight, Yowlabama vs. Clem’s boy.  I suddenly realized why it is so hard for women to understand this game.  It’s because women are good at words and none of the words in football bear any semblance to anything else in reality.  It is as if the men all made up nomenclature that is mystifying.  And mascots too.  Alabama’s mascot is an elephant, but no one calls them the Elephants or Paciderms or anything like that.  They are called the Crimson Tide.  Tide usually has something to do with the rise and fall of oceans. When tides have algal blooms they become dangerous and poisonous crimson tides.  But Alabama means the football team. 

            Momentum in football means that one side starts winning.  Momentum in physics means that a body at rest tends to stay at rest but a body in motion tends to stay in motion.  Issac Newton.  But someone who probably flunked physics came up with this term to mean that one team got all psyched and began to win.  Tempo in football has nothing to do with the rate of rhythm of a musical composition or the rate of activity of humans.  Controlling tempo in football means that you can either pass or run effectively.  A sack is not a bag or the act of bagging.  It means that somebody tackled the quarterback.  And clipping has nothing to do with cutting the hedge or a grazing blow.  It means you blocked someone from behind.  The orgination of all these terms is lost in obscurity.  If you look them up in the dictionary no football explanations are to be found.  They defy the normal human discourse.  And that is purposeful--just to trip up the girls.

            So I won’t get into Hail Mary, Statue of Liberty or Flea Flicker.  It’s too difficult.  You have be initiated into the sport.  So for now I will just punt.