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Tuesday, December 30, 2014


2014 has been hereby designated the year of “I can’t breathe!”  As in
“I can’t breathe.”—Robin Williams
“I can’t breathe.”—Michael Brown
“I can’t breathe.”—Democrat Senators and Obama who went underwater with the slogan, “E.B.O.L.A.—Enjoy, Barack Obama’s Legacy, America”
“I can’t breathe.”—Malaysia airlines passengers
Oh, and there was something about that Eric Garner guy too, but I think he said something different.  And LeBron James who showed up with teammates and tee shirts that said, “I can’t breath”.  Hmm.  Can’t spell either.
            Each year I make up a byline for the year because it helps me remember oddball facts that happened that year.  The all time favorite was 1998, the year of Kaczinski, Lupinski, and Lewinsky. (for unibombing, Olympic skating, and Presidential services).  2006 was the year of the Blessed Virgin and the Cardinals.  The former was Nancy Pelosi (why do both libs and cons chuckle when I say this?) and the St. Louis Cardinals who came from the worst-ever record as a wild card team to win the World Series.  2011 was the year of High, Low, Jack Joker, and Game.  High was the record 62 days over 100 degrees in Oklahoma, Low was the -31F record  low set at Nowata (PC had a record -24), the Jack(ass) Joker was Obama who lost an attempt to use the EEOC to dictate who can be the minister at your church in the Hosanna supreme court decision by 9-0 vote.  And finally Game was Game 6 of the World Series, where the Cardinals came back twice in the same game from the final strike from losing and then won the game.  Never duplicated in MLB history, let alone in the World Series.      
Last year, 2013, was the year of Indy 500.  Indy is the indiscretion, indictable scandals that came out of Obamaland almost weekly—IRS, NSA, Benghazi, ISIS cluelessness, etc.  It is also the indignity of singing great, Whitney Houston’s death by drug overdose.  The 500 is the anniversary of Luther’s Tower Experience, his eureka moment connecting Psalm 31 and Rom. 1:17 and all of faith into “Faith Alone, Grace Alone, Scripture Alone.” Thus began the Reformation. 
Who knows what is coming?   I leave the year with a memorable joke.  Did you hear about how the Pakistani Taliban are trying to take over India?  They took over an 800 call center.  It was a suicide prevention number and if you call and say you are thinking about suicide, they enthuse, “Can you drive a truck?!” Okay you need a better joke?  How about this, “We can’t drill our way to cheap gas prices.”—Barack Obama, 2010.
Or maybe you prefer some inspiration from an economist.  “Keynes said we can boost output by burying trash and then digging it up. All supervised by the government, I suppose. If fascism ever comes to America, it will come in the name of liberalism.  And what is fascism?  It is private ownership, private enterprise, but total government control and regulation.  Well, isn’t this the liberal philosophy? The conservative is the one that says, less government, get off my back, get out of my pocket, and let me have more control over my own destiny.  That’s the American Dream.”
 –Ronald Reagan, 1975.

Is California Dreamin'?

            I guess the California legislature passed a bill that would allow non-citizens the right to do jury duty.  (“Illegals just want to do the jobs that Americans don’t want.”)  Amazingly, Governor Moonbeam, now partly grown up, vetoed it.  Last year he vetoed a similar bill that would have allowed illegals to vote.  The LA Times was chagrined that such wonderful laws were vetoed by a Democrat, no less.  And they just can’t understand why the 2.5 million legal aliens in California (another 1-1.5 million illegals reside) don’t apply for citizenship. 

            Good thing.  They would vote La Raza and ask to secede to Mexico.  La Raza, which means “The Race” as in Nazi Superior Aryan terms wants everything from Cal to Col to Tejas back in Mexican hands. And when they are talking The Race, they aren’t kidding.  Mexico has a troubled relationship with their history.  Cortez defeated the Aztecs and brought Western values, but also smallpox and measles and the colonial hacienda system.  The Aztecs were murderous sacrificers yet artistic and passionate. Today, few Mexicans are either purely Native American or purely Spanish heritage.  Almost all are mestizos, mixed blood.  Since neither ancestry has a good reputation, they have swept some things under the carpet and blended the two into a Mestizo Race of pride.  And the analogy to the way German Nazis constructed a Race myth of an oft-mistreated Great Race of people, drempt-up to smother any possible shame, is too close for comfort.

            Don’t think I am kidding or stretching things.  I have this on the authority of a Mexican friend who went to the university to study political science and history before he became a pastor.  He laments that Mexico doesn’t honor Cortez and has basically built construction over the historic sites.  And rather than see something to imitate in USA’s good government, they cling to revolutionary models and resentment of the Anglos.  Hence, when you examine the attitudes of Mex immigrants, they divide.  Some want to stay proudly Mexican--but just want a good job.  Or they dearly want to be an American citizen.  Or they are in-betweeners who came just looking for prosperity but learned English and are now toying with the idea of being from USA.  That explains why so few of the legal aliens have applied for naturalization. It also disproves the oft-repeated Republican bromide that all those people are coming to have anchor babies and dig into our welfare and get the Dems to promote them to citizenship through amnesty.  (alacrity of gentry liberals over voter registration and amnesty aside).
            Oddly, I think I am agreeing with Governor Moonbeam for the first time ever.  Just let immigrants sort out their attitudes before we offer them citizenship and do it with care.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Some statistical stunners of 2014

I learned a few stunning things in 2014 I wanted to pass along.  See if you are as surprised as I.

USA has gone from 4 million bbls./ day in oil production to almost 11 M bbl./day since 2007.  No credit to Obama admin which was held in contempt of court for refusing to allow drilling in Gulf of Mexico and has locked down most federal lands.  We are now tied with Saudi Arabia. It has so stunned and frightened OPEC that they are trying to bring down US oil with a price war.  Go USA!

In the late nineties, Americans favored gun control by a 66 to 29% margin.  Today they favor 2nd Amendment by 52 to 46%. In the mid nineties Americans were pro choice by 56 to 33%.  Today they are pro life by 50 to 41%. Death penalty support has fallen from 80% to 60%.

Oklahoma pays only 25% of their public school budgets toward teacher salaries.  KS pays roughly 20%.  What does the rest go toward? Ask you school board.  OK is also the cheapskate education state with less spend per pupil than the other 6 states in our area (common education).  There are 673,000 students and there has been a 37% increase in 10 years—about 3% per annum.  We rank 43rd in spending. BUT, we rank 30th in SATs. One of the reasons common ed spending is low is that the legislature transferred about 2% of the state school budget to career ed and colleges in the early 2000s.  And in the last 5 years we have gone from 17,000 to 25,000 bachelors degree grads.  38% increase in STEM grads.

The ten largest states are CA, TX, FL, NY, IL, PA, OH, GA, NC, and MI.  In 1970, FL was #9, GA and NC weren’t in the top ten but NJ and MA were. 

A recent poll of Democrats asked what they thought of Obama’s executive action.  43% of Dems were strongly in favor. 29% of Hispanic Dems were and a similar percent of blacks.  So who is driving the numbers?  White gentry liberals.
How do you get rich?  They did a poll of millionaires and found 94%-hard work, 87%-education, 83%-smart investing, 78%-frugality, 60%-risk taking, 36%-luck, 31%-inheritance.  This generally plots with Millionaire Next Door statistics except that frugality is underrated by this group and education perhaps a bit stronger. 

In 1960 there were 150 employed white males and 90 employed black males for every 100 females.  Today it is 110 and 50.  Why are so few men at work?

The S&P gained 900%, GDP grew 3.8% and 44 M jobs were added from 1982-2000.  Since then the S&P has grown 50%, growth has averaged 1.8% and 5.5M jobs added.

28% of the 1.6B Muslims think it is okay to kill civilians for jihad.  Honor killings of women is approved by 22% and 96% say a wife must obey her husband at all times.

Crime and death.  Number of deaths in 2013 from all rifles=453, handguns=6009,auto accidents=32,885, knives=1817, hospital/surgery accidents=98,000.

18% think they will never retire.  44% do no retirement planning.  Of those seniors on social security, one out of four have only social security. 

The 5 freest states are ND, SD, TN, NH, and OK   

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

800th anniversary of Magna Carta

The 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta is coming up June 15.  I had an aunt who got into genealogy and found out my 23 generations-ago great grandfather was a French Norman who had signed the Great Charter.  What’s more, for 4 centuries thereafter my ancestors had French names.  Yikes!  I’m one of them!  I told this to Lynn Comeaux in New Orleans and he laughed.  “Oh, don’t take it so hard.  You can tell cool Cajun jokes like all the rest of us.”  At which point I had heard a couple of great Cajun stories in Oklahoma and the guys in LA had not heard them.  They laughed so hard and kept repeating them all the time in fond memory.

            Meantime I got interested in the Magna Carta. This historic document, sometimes called the foundation of liberty, had a crazy history that is almost as much illumination as the principles of limited government, parliament, habeas corpus and trial by jury that we now remember it for. 

King John gets a bad rap in some ways.  He was no more of an ass than the average European king.  Henry II, his father was one of the great kings of England.  A somber astute administrator, he married Eleanor of Aquitane who was, I swear, the world’s first feminist and adventuress.  With Eleanor’s kingdom in southern France and the Norman kingdom in northern France, John came to the throne owning everything from Scotland to the Spanish border, but he couldn’t control the nobles who each had their own little baronies.  His brother Richard the Lionhearted, often romanticized with bravado, had been like mom the adventuress.  He’d bankrupted the country and gone off on a crusade that ended badly.  Nobles were ticked over the taxes.  When Richard died of an arrow in a siege, John became king.  He wasn’t so tyrannical but was a sharp-tongued, insulting asshole with hardly a smidgeon of faith. (like his dad Henry II, who never darkened a church door)

And he had a huge problem.  Normans were vassals of the French king, even though they had conquered England.  The French king, Phillip Augustus, was ambitious to reclaim all of ancient France as his domain.  First John secured the right to divorce Isabel of Glouchester and marry Isabella of Angouleme from Pope Innocent III.  The English nobility were ticked off again that this new king had rejected one of their number to marry a continental girl and appealed to Phillip for redress.  Phillip called John who refused to meet him in Paris. The French court declared Normandy, Maine, Anjou and Touraine forfeited and started a war. John had to pass heavy taxes to fight to retain northern France lands.

Meantime John got himself in trouble with the Pope.  He quarreled with the bishops over their choice to name a new archbishop of Canterbury.  Pope Innocent III, trying to quell the argument nominated a Frenchman, Stephen Langton.  John threatened that if he didn’t get his way, he would take church property and privileges.  The Pope hit back with an interdict (Papal ruling that a certain territory could not have valid forgiveness in the masse).  John ignored this and confiscated all the church lands. 

He might have won his argument but he had lost the support of the nobles (and my granddad).  He neglected his second wife and had numerous mistresses and illegitimate children.  He jailed Jews trying to milk them for money—but that meant that they couldn’t lend to the public as usual.  He added insults to taxes to support his coming war.  In 1213, the Pope used his last resort, excommunication and a decree of deposition (released king’s subjects from allegiance and declared king’s property the spoil of whomever could conquer it).  Papal support was music to Phillip Augustus’ ears.  Then John discovered that his excesses had lost him support of the nobles in the fight to save his French possessions. He was in a fix.  So he struck a deal with the Pope.  He would let Stephen become archbishop, would swear allegiance and pay tribute to the Pope instead of the French king Phillip, in exchange for the Pope relaxing his decrees. 

Smooth move but it didn’t win any of the nobles or bishops over.  They demanded he return to the laws of Henry I which had limited the power of the king.  They assembled a collective army and marched on the Thames.  Now John was in a real pickle with rebellious nobility and a French war impending. 

So at Runnymede on the Thames, June 15, 1215, John made his great surrender and signed the Magna Carta.  The first article was that the Church of England would be free.  The idea that the church, and Christians by extension, should be free to practice their faith, rings through in USA’s first amendment.  And it implies that the king is not absolute but limited—limited government.  Article 12 was no taxes except by a council of 25 advisors of the king, the forerunner of parliament. This power of the purse by a legislature is the founding principle of separation of powers in a republic.  Art. 36 says you can’t be long imprisoned without a trial—habeas corpus.  And article 39 says trial by jury must be possible.  Finally, articles 40 and 60 say essentially that everyone is under the law, a founding principle of our judicial system.  With this, John placated his nobles and got his army to go to war with Phillip. 

A funny thing happened on the way to the foreign encounter.  John had no intention of obeying the agreement and got his new buddy, the Pope to declare it void. Some of the nobles asked Louis, son of Phillip to come invade England and they would crown him their king.  Louis invaded but John destroyed his invasion.  Then a few months later, John died of dysentery or was it poisoning?

The Pope feared he’d lose his tribute.  So he slyly named William Marshal earl of Pembroke regent to rule until young Henry III could come of age.  With one of their own at the top, the nobles got in line of support and then to everyone’s surprise, William turned out to be a tremendous regent.  For a long time, nobles and kings all over Europe had squabbled and signed documents, but then in the next breath had forgotten what they had signed.  William reinstated Magna Carta, and it lasted.  It lasted because it defused the rebellion of the nobles, so kings saw it as a powerful tool.

 Louis went back to France.  Phillip died.  Henry came of age and built Westminister Abbey.  His son, Edward I (1272-1307) became one of the most successful in English history, reorganized the army, instituted a new defense force called a militia (unwittingly creating a military base for a republic) and abolished both papal and French suzerainty over England. Most of all, Edward organized the council of Magna Carta into what we now know as English parliament.

The Brits say that Magna Carta was just the beginning, that the principals had to be fought for again and again over their history.  And so as I sit here faxing letters to get our Representatives to allay Obama from tearing down church highway signs all over America, from  handing the vote over to illegals, I think they are quite right.   Freedom never comes free.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Common Core Islamic Vocab

Apparently there is a vocabulary exercise in Common Core that also promises understanding of Islam.  Students learn vocabulary while coming to appreciate Islam.  I would like to add a few lessons myself.  Read this and see if you think a child would learn anything.
Abrogation.  The holy (i.e. “perfect”) Koran has contradictory passages which are fixed by the doctrine of abrogation.  The later passage (i.e. revealed to Mohammad) is the correct one and the abrogated early passage is said to be a Satanic Verse (i.e. influenced by Satan).  But since the Suras are not arranged chronologically and different sects of Islam think different sequences of Suras took place, it takes a Muslim scholar to tell you which is a Satanic verse and which isn’t.  In general, the latter revelations are more warlike so the peaceful, inclusive passages are Satanic, but these are still valuable since they allow Muslims to quote them to infidels and hide their true intentions
Holy Books The Koran (Quran) is holy to all Muslims as are the Haditha, stories about the prophet Mohammad.  But different sects have different Haditha.  Hence Islamic law or Sharia (Islam is both a religion and a political system) differs with each different sect. Hence the sects distrust and kill each other with impunity.
Tahrif Muslims believe the Bible has become corrupted or tahrif. So in the Koran, Mary is the mother of Jesus but also the sister of Moses.  Jonah and Samson are placed after Christ.  And  Jesus didn’t die on the cross.  He passed out and Roman soldiers couldn’t tell a dead man from an unconscious one, so they entombed him.  When he woke on the third day, he evidently managed to roll away the several ton stone and overpower the guards. 
Jihad.  Jihad simply means an act to further the faith.  Some jihads are non-violent, some are not.  But if you are killed in jihad (martyred) that guarantees heaven.  This is why most suicide bombers and other violent jihadists are not dregs of society, who worry about getting daily sustenance, but rich and accomplished men who lack nothing but assurance of heaven. This is important because of …
Hell Hell is where everyone goes, Muslims and infidels and pagans. Some Muslims are purified in hell’s torture but others stay there forever, along with infidels and pagans.
Infidels Infidels are ‘unfaithfuls’—Christians and Jews who God tried to reach before Mohammad.  They didn’t write his words or obey his submission, however, and have bastardized scriptures.  But infidels are a category different from pagans who are to be simply exterminated. In the Haditha, Mohammad pronounced that Jews were descended from pigs and Christians from apes.  It is not clear if one converts, does your DNA change?
Dhimmitude  Dhimmis are Christians and Jews living under Muslim Sharia law.  They are to pay a tax of 20%.  What usually happened historically to those under Dhimmitude was that they went bankrupt and were sold into slavery. 
Andalusia  Andalusia was the Muslim kingdom which is now Spain during the Middle Ages.  Western scholars admire the buildings and for a time in the early twentieth century thought that a peaceful and prosperous regime ruled the country.  (It is now realized that Dhimmitude essentially made others a lower caste, hence the state rotted from within.)   So one form of jihad is “to promote the myth of Andalusia” as a deception of infidels.
Wife-beating.  Wife-beating is prescribed in the noble Koran in 4 places.  In the Haditha, it is clear that Mohammad blamed women for every sexual sin, since they “tempted” men. Thus the holy books prescribe head coverings and there are lots of traditions among Muslims, like genital mutilation.  Today most Muslims are monogamous.  Only in the Persian Gulf is polygamy common.  The Koran allowed up to 4 wives but Mohammad had 9, the youngest he married at age 6.
Arabic Khadijeh, Mohammad’s first wife, who was a Jew, wrote down his revelations because he couldn’t read or write.  But the revelations were in ancient Arabic, which Mohammad said was the sacred language of God. And only in that language is the Koran valid.  That is why fewer than ½% of Muslims today have actually read the Koran because they don’t know ancient Arabic.  So most Islam is ‘cultural’-- learned through traditions and word of mouth.  Thus many think Mohammad was sinless, but in one Hadith, Mohammad tells Khadijeh he wasn’t sure if even he was destined to heaven.
Allah  Allah is just the Arabic word for God, but it has other implications.  The Arabs before Mohammad worshipped the moon god Allah who was originally Ba’al of ancient Israel and Bel of Babylon. Allah followers were renowned for fanaticism, cruelty and bloody violence.  In 622 Mohammad’s wife and her supportive uncle died and Mohammad was run out of Mecca by the other Jews.  He went to Medina, converted and allied with a tribe of Allah worshippers and 8 years later attacked Mecca and massacred all the Jews.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Exodus, God and Kinks

Just when I thought my Christmas shopping was done, I realized that I need to get a Bible for Hollywood.  We went to see Exodus, God and Kings.  My, did that one ever go off script.  It is as if an agnostic, who had never given an ounce of thought to the scriptures, had seen Ten Commandments and said to himself, “Golly, this would be a lot cooler if we could make more of a thriller out of it.”

I realized we were in for something strange when the trailers of all the other movies they play ahead of the show were for shoot-‘em-ups.  This wasn’t going to emphasize spiritual insights or human relationships.  Hollywood will probably nominate it for ten Oscars. 

God makes a few scant appearances, depicted as a little boy.  The burning bush episode is just wacko with Moses having been pinned down by a mudslide, and God, “the kid” saying nebulous things as he strolls in sight of a burning bush in the background.  No removing of sandals, no “I am that I am”, and no command to return to Egypt and tell Pharaoh to let His people go—just a suggestion.  Moses doesn’t carry a staff, which as I recall was rather important in parting the Red Sea.  Instead he carries an overly elaborate Egyptian sword, somewhat like you’d buy in a pawn shop or rent from a costume place to go to a Halloween party.  He left his staff with his son in Arabia.  Ah! And of course the Bible says Moses’ wife was Cushite, that is, Ethiopian.  You’d think leftist Hollywood would seize on this verified Biblical fact to make a statement for diversity.  Nope.  She’s cast as a nice Jewish girl, complete with Anatolian nose and smart mouth.  Aaron?  No spokesman for Moses.  Instead he just hardly ever speaks to his bro, Pharaoh except over the final plague.  When you have too much dialog, I guess it takes away from the chariot chase scenes and bloodshed.

This is not to say that the movie doesn’t have its moments.  Pharaoh’s wife, waking up covered in bed with frogs and screaming is one of the better vignettes.  The tsunami that hits the Egyptian army is very terrifying and this is what they proudly show in the trailer.  Oh, by the way, half the Egyptian army did not meet its fate in the deluge.  Rather they fall off a mountain side in a landslide.  And my favorite is Pharaoh’s head advisor, a cold, calculating guy who sounds just like Barack Obama when he talks about the disasters of the plague—as if they were naturally occurring phenomena and all the fault of the opposition party.   Moses is not humble, but rather feisty and politically passionate but gets to his wits end at times.  Then God, like magic (or Harry Reid), appears just in time to save Moses and his political cause. I guess Hollywood uses the character development they currently observe.

Only 5 of us were in the theatre.  That sort of thing always makes me sad for the management.  Good thing, however.  I was constantly tempted to revert to my teenage years when we used to go to see vampire movies and horror flicks and would sit making comments of comic relief.  “Bite him!  Bite him, girl, before he bites you!”  “Use the staff, Moses! Use the force, Luke!”  “No! No! Don’t open the shower curtain!  It’s Moses and he’s got a sword!”  Ah, well. 
Go see it if someone pays your way.  

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Christmas Market Oklahoma

When we first started this event the idea was not to make money but to help others make some holiday spending money.  Booth fees at Marland Mansion’s Oktoberfest are $250-750. That rules out some little person who makes some homemade craft and doesn’t know whether it will sell.  Similarly, other craft fairs strive to make as much as possible for whoever puts them on.  So our idea was to do something for the community, allowing hobbyists and folks with some art or craft to sell for a day and this is how some really serious businesses get started.  We also help with sales taxes for the Oklahoma Tax Commission.  Christmas Mkt. is an incubator of sorts.  That has worked very well.

Another idea was to have fun.  Have German food, a German Christmas market knockoff, and a place to shop for very unique Christmas gifts and cookies.  Here we have found things we hadn’t anticipated.  The school kids all get higher than a kite when they see the campus decorated.  This year we added hot drinks and sold 240 bierrocks.  Humorously, we had to explain that a bierrocks is a “German meat pie”.  All the powwow attendees suddenly smiled and bought several.  The women’s guild makes a hot soup German dinner, about as tasty as it gets.  And the newspaper put a photo of Roosevelt School dancers on the front page.  We think the music thing will grow with time.  Pictures with Santa were non-stop.  And several churches had booths of crafts too, among which were some extraordinarily cheap gently-used ornaments. We’d love to have every church in town participate and help sponsor the event.    

And there were sideline benefits.  Principal Dave Birnbaum was quick to see advantage to having material to hand out to families about the school.  This year we had about 40 folks involved from 6 sponsoring churches and civic groups, putting the program together.  Money from booth fees goes to the school scholarship fund and several of the parent recipients jumped in to help out as well.  Now here’s an interesting thing.  Oklahoma has a law that no charter schools can be established by the state outside of Oklahoma City and Tulsa.  So the only school choice small town Ponca City folks have is the 3 very good parochial schools. Yet polls show the top concern of parents is “school choice” by a 68-71% vote.  Thus the scholarship program is an important contributor helping about 25 families. 

LWML sells cookies on their Cookie Walk, a splendid assortment that was sold out by 2 pm.  They give the money to mission projects, both Oklahoma and international.  And they grossed about $2000. The women’s guild made about $700 and they use the earnings to buy groceries for the funeral dinners they do for free for both members and non-church associates. The Youth group made about $400 with their food sales. There were also about $800 of other food sales and $2800 of booth fees (89 vendors).  Together with Conoco and Phillips community service grants the total should run somewhere around $10,000 for the sponsors and church-associated groups. 1500-2000 attendees were estimated and $20,000-25,000 in total sales.  So this represents roughly $1500 of sales taxes for the city and state.

And as usual, we had a lot of fun. 

Polish jokes

So there was a riot in St. Louis and some guy of African descent kept talking about the Pole Lease.  I know what John and Stan, the two Polish Pittsburgh engineers I used to work with at Amoco would say.  “Didn’t know they could lease us.  At least Lincoln freed the slaves.”  Those two used to love acting Polish-dumb to the consternation of way-serious management or perhaps to give a little comic relief from all the equations and calculations.  ‘Jano and Stusch’ they called each other, were actually a couple of top notch tertiary recovery petroleum engineers.  Stan leaned over to me after someone told an Aggie joke one day.  “Lived here two years before I knew it was a school!  I thought it was some new minority group.” 
You never hear ethnic jokes anymore.  Some guy told me there was still a lot of racism in the country and I said, “Oh, yeah? Tell me a Negro joke then.  I have been working with staunch Republicans for 5 years and they are supposedly the big racists.  So why do I hear no black jokes?”  He didn’t have any joke he wanted to tell either.  Here’s a few of the jabs Jano and Stusch used to tell just for old time’s sake.

They found bodies of those two Poles that have been missing for some time .  They were at the drive-in, found frozen to death.  They came to watch “closed for winter.”

The Russians used to enlist Poles in their air cavalry.  Poor survival rate however.  The parachutes were made in Warsaw and it said on the side of the pack, “Opens upon impact.”

There were these two Polish twins.  One was 18 and the other was 22.

Are you using that cheap Polish dictionary?  It isn’t alphabetized.

What do you get when you cross a Jew with a Pole?  A janitor who owns the building.

A cop stopped a Polish woman and told her that she didn’t have the red light on the back of her car.  “It’s not that kind of car!” she protested.

There was a Pole who got upset after he gave blood at the blood bank and they didn’t give him a toaster.

Only one Polish driver has ever competed at the Indianapolis 500.  He unfortunately made too many pit stops asking for directions.
 A group of Poles got mad at a politician and decided to march on Washington.  Some actually made it to Seattle.

Santa Claus is definitely Polish.  Who else would wear a red suit?

So what kind of jokes do they tell in Poland?  They tell Obama jokes. (Sorry I threw that last one in just for fun.)