Exodus, God and Kinks

Just when I thought my Christmas shopping was done, I realized that I need to get a Bible for Hollywood.  We went to see Exodus, God and Kings.  My, did that one ever go off script.  It is as if an agnostic, who had never given an ounce of thought to the scriptures, had seen Ten Commandments and said to himself, “Golly, this would be a lot cooler if we could make more of a thriller out of it.”

I realized we were in for something strange when the trailers of all the other movies they play ahead of the show were for shoot-‘em-ups.  This wasn’t going to emphasize spiritual insights or human relationships.  Hollywood will probably nominate it for ten Oscars. 

God makes a few scant appearances, depicted as a little boy.  The burning bush episode is just wacko with Moses having been pinned down by a mudslide, and God, “the kid” saying nebulous things as he strolls in sight of a burning bush in the background.  No removing of sandals, no “I am that I am”, and no command to return to Egypt and tell Pharaoh to let His people go—just a suggestion.  Moses doesn’t carry a staff, which as I recall was rather important in parting the Red Sea.  Instead he carries an overly elaborate Egyptian sword, somewhat like you’d buy in a pawn shop or rent from a costume place to go to a Halloween party.  He left his staff with his son in Arabia.  Ah! And of course the Bible says Moses’ wife was Cushite, that is, Ethiopian.  You’d think leftist Hollywood would seize on this verified Biblical fact to make a statement for diversity.  Nope.  She’s cast as a nice Jewish girl, complete with Anatolian nose and smart mouth.  Aaron?  No spokesman for Moses.  Instead he just hardly ever speaks to his bro, Pharaoh except over the final plague.  When you have too much dialog, I guess it takes away from the chariot chase scenes and bloodshed.

This is not to say that the movie doesn’t have its moments.  Pharaoh’s wife, waking up covered in bed with frogs and screaming is one of the better vignettes.  The tsunami that hits the Egyptian army is very terrifying and this is what they proudly show in the trailer.  Oh, by the way, half the Egyptian army did not meet its fate in the deluge.  Rather they fall off a mountain side in a landslide.  And my favorite is Pharaoh’s head advisor, a cold, calculating guy who sounds just like Barack Obama when he talks about the disasters of the plague—as if they were naturally occurring phenomena and all the fault of the opposition party.   Moses is not humble, but rather feisty and politically passionate but gets to his wits end at times.  Then God, like magic (or Harry Reid), appears just in time to save Moses and his political cause. I guess Hollywood uses the character development they currently observe.

Only 5 of us were in the theatre.  That sort of thing always makes me sad for the management.  Good thing, however.  I was constantly tempted to revert to my teenage years when we used to go to see vampire movies and horror flicks and would sit making comments of comic relief.  “Bite him!  Bite him, girl, before he bites you!”  “Use the staff, Moses! Use the force, Luke!”  “No! No! Don’t open the shower curtain!  It’s Moses and he’s got a sword!”  Ah, well. 

Go see it if someone pays your way.