Got it all figured out

I got it all figured out.  Bill Clinton is back on the campaign trail, shaking hands, raising money, and kissing babes.  I volunteered to help the Cruz campaign, having gotten nauseous over the prospect of President Schlong.  If Cruz gets elected Hillary is moving to Leavenworth.

I think I got Trump figured out.  He has a way of saying, sloganeering a point that catches people’s attention.  Often it uses vulgarity, anti-intellectualism, or audacity.  And so he was “schlonging” Hillary and crying crocodile tears over Cruz’s ineligibility.  Has Hillary been schlonged in?—well, never mind.  And Sect. 8-1401 of the Immigration code says in no uncertain terms that born of a US Citizen makes you a Natural Born Citizen, hence eligible to run for Prez.  (Else missionary’s kids, ex-pat’s kids and military kids could never grow up to be President.)  Still, Trump makes waves with his mouth. He kicked Jorge Ramos out of his rally and 5 minutes later the guy was back.  I don’t think that his deportation program will work. 

            This technique goes one better than Sarah Palin who seemed able to term things in ways that had people nodding their heads in agreement.  She summed up a part of the 2700 page Obamacare as “Death Panels” and the name stuck.  Natural Born Politicians do this.  They talk about New Deals and Rugged Individualism and Getting the Government off the People’s Backs.  But Trump, a billionaire, uses the language of the loading dock.  Where I deal with a lot of retail politics, I meet a lot of guys who know this language.  Believe me, they know the definition of a schlong, and that’s about all the Yiddish they know, unless you count “zaftig”. At any rate, Trump let’s out another remark every few days and the media just can’t resist his characterization. Trouble is, you can scour Trump’s website and search in vain for an explanation or a cohesive plan.  None.  Just splashy comments.
            Whatever we do, don't let Mexico send El Chapo to Gitmo.  Obama would just trade him and about 4 more guys for a deserter.

            Obama cried.  I’m thinking he was thinking of how impossible it is for government to control people who have guns.  You know I suggested to Cruz that we could reduce US homicides instantly by 5% if we simply gave Chicago to Canada.  Or better, give it to Singapore and within a year they would have fixed all the homicides in Chicago.  I also suggested my refugee plan.  Anybody who has an Obama bumper sticker on their car should be issued one Syrian refugee to take care of.  Ted emailed me back, “Sounds good. If I post the pieces of the Constitution on my emails, will Washington finally read it?”

            I really like Ted.  He not only took on those moderators in the CNBC debate, he defended his fellow candidates from attacks. Isn’t that what we call acting Presidential?

            Just think about this.  IF all Americans were poor, it is said the country would vote Democrat.  If all were rich, they’d vote Republican.  Tells you a lot about the Democrat economic strategy, doesn’t it.