Dumb Spit

Broadcasting sports is big entertainment.  They even have programs full of bloopers and most embarrassing incidents by athletes and referees.  But, have you ever noticed, nowhere do they have broadcast bloopers. They never make fun of themselves and the stupidity that comes out of their mouths.  Someday I would like to compile such a sports show.  Call it Dumb Spit Calls. Here are just 3 I heard in the last month—and I don’t watch a lot of sports on TV.

First was the night the KC Royals game was rain delayed an hour during the playoffs.  The broadcasters had to fill in the time somehow, so the panel of 6 got into a discussion lamenting how was it almost impossible for Wade Davis, KC closer, to finish the game after having been idled for 60 minutes.  Indeed, some suggested that Yost, the manager shouldn’t even play Wade.  Put somebody else in lest he blow the save! There was one out in the ninth. Then the game resumed and indeed Davis began pitching.  I figured, you know that guy has been down this road before.  This isn’t his first rodeo.  He probably tried to stay warmed up and passionate all during that rain delay.  In the broadcast booth were another 3 announcers and the first batter was walked after about an eleven pitch at-bat.  Oh! They groaned about how Davis was done for.  “The control is the first thing to go,” one guy momentously said.  Not so.  Wade Davis struck out the last two like a blistering ace and the game ended.  But no one among the nine broadcasters admitted to being wrong. 

So often sports announcing and analysis tends to be candy-coated.  All the better to promote heroes, I guess.  Dumb Spit Calls number 2 and 3 concern Stidham, the freshman Baylor quarterback.  He’s done a tremendous job filling in for the starter who is now injured and out for the season.  During a tight game with OU, the game turned when a big OU defenseman managed to upend Stidham in midair, about 4 feet off the ground, then body slammed him onto his back.  That’s the kind of blow that can ruin your life with paralysis.  I have no idea if it is ethical, but certainly concerning.  “Well, now Stidham is getting a taste of big time college football!” the broadcaster laughed.  “That sure was quite a sack!”  As it turned out, Stidham lay there for quite a while, then got up on his own. He was gimpy and escorted to the sidelines by another Baylor player.  “Well, he’ll shake it off,” the broadcaster noted.  Really?  The next set of downs was the last for Stidham and he wasn’t mobile at all.  The following week, he took a fall at OSU and the coach (Briles) was miked up on the sideline.  “Is it your back?!” he asked Stidham.

Dumb Spit #3 came when Stidham made a great pass while being pressured by OSU the following week.  “He’s a great intellectual, that’s all I have to say,” the sportscaster said emphatically.  “For a freshman to come in and be able to run the entire offense—that’s really something!”  Well now wait a minute.  Many Frosh have played quarterback on major college level and, by the end of the season, had memorized the team plays.  That’s a requirement, especially for a quarterback.  Intellectual?  You have to be kidding me! Just counting some intellectuals I have met in college—Richard Feynman, Schiller, Tim Tooman, Milton Friedman--I would say an average college prof is quite a bit more intellectual than a freshman memorizing the team playbook. 

So add these to some other times I have heard announcers proclaim that WWE is realistic and how NBA players are such role models and you got a show. (I forget his name, center for Spurs and Fellowship of Christian Athletes guy once told how he couldn't get 5 NBA players to join him to promote abstinence with teens.  So many of 'em were playing stud to groupie women.)