Hearing Humor

She says I need to get my hearing aids checked because I don’t hear everything.  Yeah, but I usually get the story right just by knowing the characters.  Take for instance that story about Bo Bird Dog.  Evidently Obama lost him somewhere over in Afghanistan and traded 5 Taliban guys to get him back.  I knew Obama has a dog named Bo; just never knew Obama hunted.  Or that Bo Bird Dog ran off.  But dogs do that. Anyway, Bo evidently saw some other big hairy animals and wanted to join their pack.  So he ran off.  The Republicans are saying this ain’t right.  They say Obama won’t do anything about Tam or Reesy down in that Mexican jail, but I know why Obama does nothing.  He’s worried that the next Prez will appoint Tam or Reesy in charge of border security and there will be all heck to pay. So he wants to keep ‘em in that Mexican prison as long as possible.  Meanwhile the Democrats say that Bo is being swift-boated.  That seems like a fair charge.  I remember that swift boat controversy very well.  Kerry said he had done all sorts of valiant things and that Nixon had given him a raw deal and that his fellow soldiers were creeps or worse, having massacred all kinds of people in Vietnam.  I found that curious because when it comes to war and the shooting starts, all that political theory just flies out the window.  You protect your buddies and fight to kill those who want to kill you.  Last thing any soldier would say is that his buddies were vile and depraved, like Kerry did.  So then suddenly about 90% of the guys who knew Kerry in Nam were saying he was a sheister and didn’t do any of his braggy stuff.  Congress had already proved that the swift boaters hadn’t done the atrocities Kerry alleged.  And the vets proved their case.  Well that same thing is happening with Bo, so yeah, I guess he is being swift-boated.  All I got to say is that Bo must completely agree in doggy terms with Obama.  Because Obama would never bring anyone home or let them back in his presence unless they were in complete agreement with him.  You can’t just honestly disagree with Obama.  He smears anyone who disagrees. 

Now you tell me, do I not have that story right?

Or you take that other story about that guy who ran the VA, a former war hero--Shinkicky.  He had no success reforming the VA at all.  Which I could have told you would happen.  Kicking shins of bureaucrats doesn’t work.  They wear shin guards under their pants and put stadium seats down the backside so you can’t kick them in the kiester no matter how hard you want to. The only thing that works is to take away their coffee cups and threaten their jobs.  But Shinkicky couldn’t get it done. Bureaucrats are like that bald guy in Dilbert cartoons.  They call in the federal employees union.  So the only thing that will work is to break the union like Reagan did the air traffic controllers, cut their budgets, and move them to someplace where they can’t do any more harm, like the nuclear waste dump in Nevada.  But then when you think it through, Obama agrees more with the bureaucrats than the reform needed, so that’s why Shinkicky didn’t kick any shins.    

Just wait until Michelle gets her hands on Bo’s diet.  He was already in dire health?  Michelle told the school kids, “If you like your school lunch, you can keep your school lunch. Period.”

The CIA's top officer in Kabul was exposed by the White House when his name was inadvertently included on a list provided to news organizations. But don't worry, Obamacare will protect your medical privacy.
              I am told the quality of VA care also varies by region, by state and city. For example, at the Veterans Hospital in Los Angeles if your x-rays show a broken rib, they fix it with Photoshop.  President Obama said he did not know about the VA scandal Monday just as he'd earlier said he didn't know about the IRS, Benghazi and AP spying scandals. There is no limit to what President Obama doesn't know!
             So this week he flies to France to participate in the seventieth anniversary of the D-Day ceremonies on the Normandy beaches. Bill Clinton was in Normandy for the fiftieth anniversary of D-Day but of course he thought D-day was Dolly Parton's birthday.  Nancy Pelosi put five Democrats on the House committee looking into the Benghazi attack. They want to know where Obama and Hillary were that night during the consulate attack. They already asked Joe Biden where he was between nine and twelve, and he replied, “the third grade.”
             Okay, you’ve heard enough about Obama.  Now to the tabloids.  Kate Middleton's bottom was photographed by paparazzi when her skirt blew recently. There’s a way to fix this.  Have the image of Mohammed tattooed thereabouts. That will stop the press from printing pictures.
            One more.  An old, blind D-day Vet Gunnery Sergeant wandered into a feminist bar by mistake. He ordered a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear an Obama joke?’ The bar immediately fell absolutely silent. The tough woman next to him said, “There are 5 female body builders sitting next to you and we all proudly voted for Obama. You still want to tell that joke?”  The old guy gave it second thought and said, “Naw, I don’t want to have to explain it 5 times.”