Dangerous Men

 

College men’s studies often start with the conclusion they desire which is effeminate men--passive, non-aggressive, slow to make decisions, asexual, and above all, liberal.  John Eldredge’s “Wild at Heart” series of books disagrees.  He notes 6 essential stages in men’s lives and how each one builds upon the former, while never completely relinquishing learning along any of them.  Let me summarize how real men are wild at heart, bearing the image of a God so wild He dared to come to earth to rescue mankind.  And his view explains why so many men don’t see themselves as valiant and dangerous, but see themselves as lustful, angry and fearful.  Without a great battle to fight, they don’t engage. They fear someon will foind out they really aren’t a man. Here’s the stages that must occur.

1.      Beloved son.  A young boy has to realize that he is prized and beloved by parents.  If you don’t get this, you’ll be forever risk-averse as well as unable to show love to others. The prime age for beloved son is through about age six.

2.     Cowboy.  You gotta do crazy daring things to find you limits.  A group of boys will stimulate each other to do big stuff or stupid stuff.  It is all part of hero worship and learning what a brave hero is.  If you are deprived of this you’ll not attempt to be brave, noble and strong or will do it in the wrong way. You won’t know the limits of real life. Six through mid teens.

3.     Warrior.  A warrior is an accomplished skilled man. How does he know he is skilled?  Only through the acclaim of other men.  Only dad or a male role model or a group of accomplished men can tell you have done well and you measure up.  Women by definition cannot do this since they aren’t men.  For thousands of years, men have honed skills and taught them to their sons.  If a kid relies on a group of peers to tell him he measures up, you have the dangerous, unlearned advise of a gang with it’s lack of knowledge about limits of behavior and moral code.  The age for warriors is late teens and early twenties.

4.     Lover. Once you realize you have well-taught skills, you also realize the world is too big to conquer alone.  You need a partner—a real close partner, who can fill in the gaps of what skill you lack.  She.  If a man doesn’t get to the point of warrior, he mistreats women and considers them sex servants.  Real men want an accomplished and reliable woman.  Age for this stage is 20-something or 30s. 

5.     King.  King is a man at the top of his game with a rich and noble heart.   He’s doing things and fulfilling his destiny, walks in humility and fought for people—immensely kind, generous and just.  But he’s also able to spin off more ideas and projects than he can do by himself.  So he seeks to train the young men coming up under him. Yet you cannot master enough principles to know how to handle everything. Thus a close walk with God is needed or you never have a true king, but a tyrant in some way.  This is the age of dads.

6.     Sage.  The heart of a Sage is to make his last years count.  Instead of shuffleboard, he speaks from experience, a vast reservoir of self-discovery. He retires from a career but his influence grows as he works with his heirs.

If a man never had the Cowboy, he’ll spend too much time at golf or adventure or a sports car.  If never a Warrior, he’ll wield power in anger or try to get the feeling of power, making mountains out of molehills.  If he’s never a Lover, he’ll get a trophy wife or somebody on the internet. If an uncertain King, he’ll dismiss the Sages around him and do foolish attempts on his own.

            The wild at heart guy is like Joseph.  Doesn’t matter if he’s not appreciated mush.  Mary, a young girl he’s engaged to, turns up pregnant with a wild story about bearing God’s Son. Hurt and confused, Joe still is honorable and won’t have her stoned.  It takes and angel to tell him the truth, but hey, this is going to cost him.  He will forever be the butt of jokes and ridicule.  He’ll lose clients and people won’t trust his judgment. They’ll transfer their distrust to his son, “Is this not the carpenter’s son?” Does Joe flinch and withhold? Nope. Offers Mary his strength.  Steps between her and the mess.  Raises Jesus faithfully.  God found his man for stepfather.  Together they made His Son.

            Wild at Heart and Way of the Wild at Heart, John Eldredge, Thomas Nelson Publications