A lot of
people have been surprised that the Supreme Court declared that the health care
mandate is okay because it is really just a tax. Well, doesn’t that open up some possibilities! Just think of the things we could make the
libs pay for by passing a mandate that all citizens will be forced to buy the
following.
1.Tornado insurance and 2. Natural fires insurance and 3.
Hurricane Insurance. There’s no doubt about the need for this. And many people can’t afford these insurances
which can wipe out a lifetime. So it
would only seem fair that the public, i.e., all people should be required to
buy this. “And it’s insurance so it is
just like the state requiring you to buy
insurance on your car.” So what’s the
big deal? Well, if you pull out a map of
US voting--red and blue counties, you’ll see that Dems are largely in urban
areas and along the east and west coasts.
Hurricane insurance benefits primarily southerners who vote R. Tornado insurance benefits primarily the
Texas to Kansas folks and Alabama to Florida.
I don’t think New England has ever seen a tornado unless they watch the
Weather Chanel. Again they are R’s. And Natural Fires occur in the intermountain
west and in the Great Plains. Name me one cowboy who is a socialist. Thus, even if this benefits the poor,
uninsured R’s, the D’s should pay for it, just like the 20-somethings in prime
health must buy insurance to cover all us sickly people. Besides it is just a tax and Congress has the
power to tax.
4. Mandate
that everyone must buy a large,
American-made diesel pickup. I know all you leftists would have no use for
a pickup except to buy a large quantity of medical marijuana. I know you live in a loft in Manhattan. I know the heaviest thing you have ever
lifted is paper you were pushing. Still,
in the event of a natural disaster or a terrorist incident, everyone should be
equipped with a pickup to pick up their stuff and move back home to the farm
with Grandpa.
5. Mandate
to require everyone to buy a Bible. Yes,
yes, I know what you’re thinking concerning the first amendment. Look, if you don’t believe it, then it is
just an historic book and everyone should have to buy a Bible.
6. Horsemeat. Ever since PETA wrecked the market for horses
by not allowing aged ponies to be sold for dogfood, the pleasure horse business
has been way down. We need to rescind that law and make lefties buy horsemeat—which
in time of national distress could be a good lesson for vegans in how to stay
alive. It’s pretty good if you smoke it.
7. Tax preparation insurance. Clearly it is unfair that a businessman
who owns a restaurant has a tax return that is half an inch thick while his
doofuss dishwasher does 1040EZ. What is
needed is a mandatory insurance that covers everyone’s tax preparation and advisory
costs. Then the waitresses and
dishwashers can pay for the tax prep for the guy who risks his kiester to make
a job for them. It would seem only fair,
doesn’t it?
8. Property
insurance. 9. Worker’s Comp
insurance. Follows similar logic to item 7. Yes, I know we would have to
explain the foreign concept of “work” to some of the progressives. Yes, I
realize that a Marxist college professor has an infinitesimal worker’s comp rate while
a roofer or a builder would have a huge rate, but we owe it to everyone to make
their life secure from injury, don’t we.
And
finally last and far from least 10.
Mandate that everyone buys a copy of the US Constitution so that everyone
would know what really is a tax and what isn’t.
So that next time we have a Supreme Court appointee or, say, a President who claims to be a constitutional
law professor, we will ask a lot of hard questions.
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